Dear 16 Year Old Self

9 Nov

If you exist on the internet in any form you’ve probably noticed this ‘tweet your 16 year old self’ nonsense. I think it’s a great idea, but not a ‘less than 140 characters’ great idea. I’m going to write a blog post about instead. Suck that, twitter! Yeah! You pull up those pants that are falling down because they’re the wrong size.

Dear 16 Year Old Jen,

1. You are not the most attractive girl at your school, it’s true, but you are also not wholly unattractive. The world will not implode if you make out with someone who *might* be more attractive than you, or someone who happens to also be older or younger than you, or someone who is stupid. It’s just frenching.

2. Your boobs will get bigger. I promise. Stop stuffing your bra with shoulder pads. I don’t know why they will get bigger, but they just will. Actually, I do know why they’ll get bigger – you’ll put on 20 pounds or so. But you won’t look super fat or anything, I promise. Just all womanly and stuff. On that note, way to go for having a healthy body image and not an eating disorder. Not sure how you managed that cause you’ll obsess more about your figure when you get older and it will be stupid.

3. I can see you’re having trouble deciding between English or Art or Theatre right now. You don’t have to pick between them yet. Chill out.

4. Thank you for wearing whatever you like. It will serve you well in life and always make you happy.

5. Thank you for being one of the few 16 year olds on the planet WHO DOES NOT CARE that some people think you are a nerd or loser. Because you are a nerd AND a loser. And the most important people in your life, past present and future, think you are awesome just as you are.

6. Give in to electronic music. JUST GIVE IN. I know you’re hanging on to Nirvana but just let NIN become an immediate gateway drug to uncharted territories of sonic wonder.

7. Speaking of drugs and alcohol, thanks for showing some moderation and abstinence here. Your ability to not overdo anything and have fairly extreme self-control will serve you well later in life. Hollaback from age 31 – your liver still looks pretty good, as do your kidneys, lungs, and all those other organs you use to process toxins.

8. Experiment: stop being lazy and waiting until the last minute to do stuff. Instead, try out how nice it feels to pace yourself and not rush.

9. Listen. You really need to get better at listening to people. STFU.

10. I know you’re having organization issues right now, but trust me – you will become A VERY ORGANIZED person one day. Almost freakishly so.

11. Yes, your parents are overprotective and it really really sucks but your relationship will get better when you’re financially independent and married and stuff. Hard to believe, I know, but it’s true.

12. Speaking of parents, stop worrying that they will die. Yes, they are sick people, but they have several more good years in them. Wait til you’re in your 30s to start worrying about that, and then spend lots of time with them. Actually, spend lots of time with them in general even though you kind of hate them sometimes.

13. Thank you for growing out that perm. *shudder*

14. Thanks for reading lots of books. It’s a good choice.

15. Don’t think you have to pretend to be happy all of the time. It’s okay to be sad or angry.

16. Uh, basically you’re on the right track. I would just advise that you stick with French. You will regret losing that later, but regret very little else.


thirtysomething Jenny


One Response to “Dear 16 Year Old Self”

  1. Alison November 10, 2010 at 2:39 am #

    I love it. I’m going to do this too.

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